By Tinderella
Our socially conservative Agony Aunt is here to help.
Today’s first question comes to us from Canada.
Dear Ella,
I fear I’m about to find myself in a similar position to Nicola from Scotland, who you advised recently. That is to say, unemployed. There are so many parallels in our careers; deranged leftist gender policies, health fascism, the list goes on. One legislative achievement of which I’m particularly proud is Medical Assistance In Dying (MAID), the ‘process that allows someone who is found eligible to be able to receive assistance from a medical practitioner in ending their life’. As you can see, I’m all heart and the life and soul of a party. Given my obvious talents, I wonder if you might be able to suggest a new career for me?
Yours superciliously,
Justin
Justin,
I’d be happy to help. How about training to be a truck driver? You could use your earnings to compensate those whose protest convey your government so brutally suppressed. If that doesn’t work out for you, I suggest you do everyone a favour and practise what you preach. That is to say, try out your enthusiasm for euthanasia on yourself.
Yours hopefully,
Ella
Next we have the ravings of a National Treasure. The cognitive dissonance is strong with this one.
Dear Ella,
I am a much-loved television and radio presenter and all-round great person. I’m sure you assiduously watch my fabulous TV programmes on the Beeb and listen to me on Radio Four, as all right-thinking people do. I recently gave a talk to the debating chamber of the Cambridge Union about such progressive beliefs as why men who identify as women should be able to participate in women’s sports and beat them all the time. I also enlightened my enthralled audience as to how the wrasse fish can change its gender, so why do we think that humans are so special that we can’t transform like the fantastic wrasse fish? The gist of it is that we all need to be lovely and charming, just like I am. Stop worrying about how to make sport fair and stop worrying about who is in the toilets; it’s not what we should be talking about. The students all told me how wonderful and wise I am, which is only natural.
It has come to my attention that a horrid Terf who goes by the name of Posie Parker has made a video criticising my speech to the Union and what is worse, almost all of the people commenting agree with her. I will not lower myself to watching the thing, or to reading critical comments about myself, as I am always right about everything. However, I have been moved to write a rap song to show those deplorables how much better I am than them. I was hoping to record it with that jolly woman from Kids Company to signal how I am down with the ethnic sisters, but sadly she has popped her clogs. It is such a shame, as those colourful outfits of hers would have looked marvellous in the music video. I’ve now had some interest from my fellow luvvy Eddie and as he sometimes thinks he is a woman, he will have to do. It is a shame he does not identify as a person of colour, but he does wear some lovely frocks, which will fit the bill for the video admirably. But I digress. Though my lyrics are superb, I’m having a little difficulty with getting some of the lines to scan and was wondering if you could help me out? Try to imagine them being rapped to the tune of ‘Me Myself and I’ by De La Soul, or perhaps ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ by Coolio.
Be Kind
I’m charming, funny, my name is Sandi
More virtuous than Mahatma Gandhi
I’m of the intelligentsia, a UN grandee
Being superior is my modus operandi
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who’s the kindest of them all?
To pontificate I don’t have to try
It’s second nature to me, myself and I
There’s no room for hate, let’s all be kind
If you think there are only two sexes, you’ve lost your mind
Men can become women, that’s what I rap
If you disagree, you’d better shut your trap
Yours pompously,
Sandi
Dear Sandi,
It must be tough for you to perform the continuous mental gymnastics required to square the inherent contradictions in your bonkers ideas. Let me try to make things simple for you. Human biological sex is real and immutable, being determined by a person’s chromosomes. Thus, it is not possible for human beings to change sex. Kellie-Jay Keen aka Posie Parker is a very brave woman who is telling the truth about this at considerable personal risk. I suggest you watch the video you refer to, in which she thoroughly dismantles your silly arguments. You might then watch the video of Kellie-Jay attempting to talk at a Let Women Speak event in Auckland, New Zealand, where she was attacked and silenced by a baying lynch mob of ‘Be Kind’ trans activists.
Yours horrified,
Ella
The video you refer to:
Attempting to make a speech in Auckland, New Zealand:
‘DICTATOR’ Humza Yousaf’s speech police the ‘final nail in the coffin of freedom’ – Ann Widdecombe:
Ann Widdecombe has launched into the Scottish government for their attacks on freedom. (GBNews/YT)
‘Brilliant’ JK Rowling aplauded by academic for challenging Scotland’s new hate speech law:
‘I think it’s a brilliant strategic move that JK Rowling made!’
Dr Heather Brunskell-Evans applauds JK Rowling for challenging Scotland’s new hate speech law, and says the ‘police should not be in charge of what we can or cannot say.’ (GBNews/YT)
Katie Hopkins: Scotlands hate crime law. What’s ACTUALLY going on. JK Rowling is a distraction (Kate Hopkins/YT):
Free Speech: “This is an egregious draconian act… it’s an attack on the Scottish people”
Alan on GB News talking about Scotland’s new hate crime laws with Nigel Farage.
We must have the freedom to discuss and challenge ideas in order to progress as a society. (Together/YT)
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